PLAY Kung Fu Christmas  

There have been over the years, some incredible gag products produced by Portsmouth creative agencies. Brown & Company created a flipbook of an Elvis impersonator riding a bicycle around the office. My own team at Ideaworks produced a rap video about greasy foods for our art director when she had her gall bladder out. But this video game by the boys and girls at Hatchling Studios wins the Wasted-Time Award hands down.

The object of this Internet action game is simple. Hatchling president Marc Dole wants to get out of the office and go on a tropical vacation. I’ve been the boss, and I know, that ain’t easy. There are customer projects to complete, parties to attend, Secret Santa gifts to buy. Dole is forced to kick-box his way out of the office, taking out employees who block his way at six levels, from the fifth floor executive office to the underground parking garage.

It’s a helluva battle. There are more and more employees with increasingly sophisticated powers at each level. They throw wreaths and stars and Christmas balls. They kick and karate-chop the boss. Luckily Dole can renew his power by gathering up the Christmas gifts that fall from the hands of employees as he knees them in the groin or leaps up and kicks them in the face. This could be a metaphor for office life, or it could be a reality show.

As the game player, you operate a very realistic animated Marc Dole as he lopes through a realistic looking Hatchling office, past workstations displaying recent projects. One can only imagine how satisfying it must have been for the staff to create a program that bludgeons the CEO to death. I know a few of the staffers, and they are easy to recognize in the game. It would be eerie if it wasn’t so funny.

I haven’t played a video game in years, but this one was right at my level. The characters are big, the keyboard action is great and it is possible, with practice, to get better. President Dole, luckily, finds weapons along the way. He beats on people with a candy cane, a plastic Rudolph, and a Nutcracker. When he is defeated or runs out of power, another Dole appears. Lose all three Doles and you’re dead. Get through to the end and the boss speeds away in his car and ends up in Bermuda.

Last year these guys turned out an awesome parody of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code film. This freebie is more clever. By sending out an addictive video game during the holidays, Hatchling virtually guarantees that their competitors will get no work done. You won’t either if you click the link. You won’t shop. You won’t make cookies or trim the tree. It’s that much fun.

So pass along this Kung Fu Christmas link. Spread the mayhem. If the whole damn planet shuts down, we’ll know who to blame. -- JDR

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