A PLAN FOR ALL SEASONS

The problem with being from New England is that there are no simple answers to anything. It may have something to do with living under four distinct seasons that require four distinct mindsets. It may come from being descended from hardworking, but weird Mayflower pilgrims. Consider the following question about a leaky lawnmower.

THE SIMPLE QUESTION

Dear Yankee Brain:
My ancient lawnmower is giving me grief. My front lawn is just 10 x 30 feet, about the size of a swimming pool. Due to a gas leak, I can just barely finish that small spot in 10 minutes before the fuel trickles out and the engine stops. It seems silly to buy a new mower for such a small patch of grass. Repairing old mowers is costly too since the wheels are falling off. What should I do?

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THE YANKEE BRAIN ANSWERS

From Resourceful Yankee Brain:
Two words – duct tape. Find the general direction of the leak in the tank and seal that sucker up. Get the good-quality stuff, not discount tape. Get the fat wide role, not the skinny stuff. Retape annually. You should get another dozen years.

From Puritan Yankee Brain:
You should be ashamed of yourself for wasting gas – and for having such a small lawn in the first place. You should feel guilty for complaining about such a petty chore and, as your penalty, go around and mow all the lawns in your neighborhood for the rest of the summer. And use a hand mower from now on. It’s harder work and will bring you closer to the Lord.

From Entrepreneurial Yankee Brain:
You need a new mower. Sell the old one in a garage sale. Sell other old junk to New York City tourists who think they are buying antiques. Take proceeds to Sears and get best model. Be sure to use Sears Card for added discount. Lease new mower to high school kid who mows neighborhood lawns in exchange for half his income. (He pays gas.) Make sure kid does your lawn for free.

From Far-sighted r Brain:
Put mower back in shed. Get out scythe. Sharpen scythe. Put scythe back in shed until grass is chest high.

From Short-sighted Yankee Brain:
Got gum? Use it plug the hole, then get a goat.

From Industrious Yankee Brain
Time is a wasting. Get yourself down to the junkyard and pick up a couple of replacement tanks and a bunch of backup wheels. Might as well haul all that old brush down to the landfill while you have the truck out, and don’t forget to gas up and have the tires rotated on the way home.

From Laid Back Yankee Brain:
Your problem is too much lawn. Convince your wife it would be better to dig up the whole front lawn and replace the grass with cedar chips and flowering bushes. Convince her that she has better design and gardening skills and get out of the house until she finishes. 

From Frugal Yankee Brain:
It’s working, right? I don’t see a problem here. Write back when the engine blows up and the wheels fall off.

Copyright (c) 2005 by J. Dennis Robinson / SeacoastNH.com, All rights reserved.