Sketch of Proposed Seafood Memorial

Historic Fish Shop to be Bronzed

PORTSMOUTH – George Bernard Shaw once said that if you placed all the world’s economists end-to-end, they still wouldn’t reach a sensible conclusion. The same has been said of the Portsmouth Historic District Commission (HDC) until now. In a bold departure from it’s hum-drum decisions over drain pipes, store signs and building facades, the HDC has solved the current battle over what to do with the Pier II restaurant site on the historic Portsmouth waterfront – bronze it.

Owners of the site had proposed tearing down the current seafood restaurant to build a four-story modern office condo unit. Opponents to that plan feared the new building would disrupt the public’s view of the historic waterfront, creating an exclusive location for the enjoyment of only the wealthier tenants.

Sketch of Former Building Plan

In a unanimous decision today, the volunteer City commission offered a plan to turn the clock backwards.

‘We’re going to peel off the current restaurant facade and take it back to a classic 1960s style," an HDC spokesman said today. "Then we’re going to bronze the whole thing, sort of like you do with a baby's shoe."

The result, according to the group would be a permanent memorial to the old seafood shops that are rapidly disappearing along coastal New England. The Portsmouth Seafood Memorial, proponents say, would solve the problem permanently and provide a fitting testament to the thousands of men and women who have had to work for minimum wage in sweaty, seafood-infested shops.

"I think it’s a great idea," says modern artist and part-time Portsmouth waitress Tomalley Newburg. "It’s very postmodern, very hip -- and a fitting tribute to waitresses like me whose paintings don’t sell."

Patina Guilderson, president of Seacoast Bronzing Inc., and an HDC member, says the idea for a Seafood Memorial resulted from a brainstorming session at a recent HDC retreat in Can-cun.

"Everyone was like totally for it," says Guilderson. "We like couldn’t think of a better way to preserve our awesome local culture."

Another HDC member, who preferred not to be named, said he hopes this action will send a message to preservationists that the city’s watchdog organization is on the job.

‘We’re pro-history," he says. "We like old stuff a lot."

City engineers agree it will be possible to pour the hot bronze directly onto the top of the historic seafood restaurant from the nearby Memorial Bridge that spans the Piscataqua River. Officials plan to also bronze a number of classic 1960s cars in the restaurant parking lot. HDC is considering plans to bronze other landmarks, including the Memorial Bridge itself, a number of colonial homes, and various elderly local historians. Seacoast Bronzing Inc., the selected contractor, has offered a discount rate for multiple memorials.

In a related story, the town of Kittery, Maine, has threatened to bronze Warren’s Lobster House directly across the river. Kittery officials say there is no connection between this gesture and the fact that the state of New Hampshire is recently sued the state of Maine in US Supreme Court over control of the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard. A Kittery city planner says the rumor that the entire naval shipyard will be bronzed if NH wins its lawsuit is "completely without foundation."

"You guys think you’re so hot on history over there," the Kittery official noted. "Well two can play at this preservation game – and I mean that in a totally nonthreatning way."