The Granite State Nose By J. Dennis Robinson

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April, 2001

Giant Cats Eyed in Port Census Drop

PORTSMOUTH -- Independent sources fear a deadly link between a race of giant felines and the slow disappearance of 5,200 Portsmouth, NH residents over the last decade. The surprising 10-year drop in the Port City population was discovered only after the 2000 US Census figures were released recently. At the same moment, the above unatributed photo began appearing on the internet. One Census official, while unwilling to draw a direct correlation, did admit that the housecat appeared to be "really humungous" when compared to his own cat named Blinkers. Portsmouth Chamber of Commerce leaders, at a loss to explain why surrounding towns reported increased populations, embraced the big cat theory. Newly appointed chamber of President Peter Hamlin pointed out the lack of very large rodents in the Portsmouth area. "Ten years ago, I swear there were giant rats all over the place," he said. "the cats must have gotten them too." Hamelin added that killer cats or not, Money Magazine still rates the city as one of the best places to live in America. Local police have urged the shrinking city's remaining 21,000 residents to be cautious when walking alone, especially with untied shoelaces, and to avoid leaving bowls of milk or small children in their back yards unattended.