NH Gov. Jeanne Shaheen said recently that she might have to shut down the NH government if state legislatures did not solve the school funding issues. She might just as well have told them to put gum on their nose and stand in the corner with no dinner. Thank God she didn't pull out the big stick and give them all detention! That's exactly the kind of grammar school tactics that have us in this mess in the first place. We think and act like a bunch of kids because, ultimately, the system just does not work. School sucks. I was a teacher for years, trust me, and I was a kid long before that. I've seen principals treat brilliant teachers like they were two-year olds for showing up a minute late to "smoking duty." (That was when trained educators stood outdoors all winter watching adolescents smoke illegally on school grounds so they would not get hurt and file a lawsuit. I did it for five years. Go figure.)

So let's get Buddist for a few minutes and look for the positive side of this equation. The government is crumbling trying to hold together a school system that does not work in the first place. This is especially true in NH where we have perhaps the most medieval school funding process in the nation and we're all too addicted to our Tax Free status to change. Heck, that's why half of us are here in the first place. So why not let the system come crashing down? Or better yet, let's kick the whole thing over before it falls under it's own weight. This is a state full of clever iconoclasts. Why can't we come up with something better?

Step 1: Admit Defeat

We're licked. Let's have the guts to say so. The 19^th century educational system designed to teach basic cyphering and reading to children of an agrarian nation does not work today. We need to teach old and new skills in a vastly different world. If we just admit defeat, what a great humane lesson to pass on to our children. We just come right out and say: "We messed up! Sorry, we're going to start all over".

Step 2: Shut  Em Down!

Enough talk, no more head games. When the kids go home in June, let's shut the current system down for good. School, as we know it, ends at -- just for sake of argument -- third grade. We'll leave K-3 as it is for awhile.

Step 3: Issue Technology

Every house in NH gets a free satellite dish and high speed Internet access with workstations for each kid in the family. How much can that cost? I got my DISH antenna for $200 and now they give them away. Computers are cheap. We're talking maybe $1000 per kid. The satellite hooks into the NH State run educational channel -- the master teaching station -- and a few bonus channels like Discovery, History, PBS, and the Web (with appropriate parental locks already installed.)

Step 4: Do the Basics Online

Who said Big Brother was a bad guy? Orwell has had us all running scared. Totalitarianism is evil, but that doesn't stop 90% of the nation from zoning out on the tube every night. Why not turn technology to good use? With the NH system, every kid masters the basics online using programmed instruction based on their learning abilities. That means lots of online teaching models. This is ONLY the basics. Kids can learn, take tests, move on at their own speed.

In my scenario, kids work no more than 3-4 hours a day in the morning at their terminals, at home when possible. Hours are flexible. With a web cam you can see who's missing from class.

Step 5: Make the Most of Interaction

After lunch daily, or maybe two days a week, kids head into the old school buildings for exercise, clubs, group projects, special instruction, athletics, special lectures from mentors and experienced leaders. Kids may assemble one day to see a theater production or catch a traveling dance troupe. All in-school work is project-oriented and kids participate in the thinking and planning. Some kids will go to work at companies, providing all sorts of valuable services and getting a great hands-on education. Kids will work at least a day a month at a nonprofit agency, historical society, nursing home, hospital -- any place where volunteers are desperately needed and kids can learn that they make a difference. I'm not sure how it all works, but you can see the possibilities -- everything is experiential. Fall off the program -- do drugs, crash cars, hurt people, get caught being bad -- you serve out your time at a detention center. That center looks amazingly like what we now call public school -- desks in rows, hallway passes, teachers who lecture, pep rallies. Believe me, kids will go straight in a hurry.

Step 6: Reallocate the Money

I figure we can do this for about the same amount of money we have today. At worst, I figure my guestimate is as good as predictions by our state fiscal agents. We'll need fewer teachers, so we can pay the ones we have better. The rote part of learning takes place totally online, you'll remember, or for kids who need help, in special coaching programs. Testing is done online and we'll have fantastically accurate stats. By staggering the arrival of kids on socialization days, school buildings can be much smaller and used more effectively. Spaces that aren't needed can be rented out or used to start student run businesses, the profits from which will go back into the system. Teachers will be more like mentors and coaches. Old authoritarian teachers can be well used at the detention centers. More business people will get involved when they see a more sensible system in place, filling in expertise when needed. Grades will be irrelevant. Kids will pass GW Bush's standardized tests with ease. Colleges will stand in line for the NH kids when they graduate.

Step 7: Rethink the Family

What about parents? Well they have to change too. Households will have to adjust to allow parents to be home during the hours kids are working at their terminals. Income from student work in businesses and national home-schooling vouchers will help. Families will spend more time together. Kids will be happier. With all that free satellite TV, parents won't have to pay cable rates. Oh, and did we mention that, if kids don't complete their online work -- the commercial stations on your satellite TV won't work? Yup, no TV for anyone unless your homework is done. Dad can't watch football, unless Junior has emailed his Algebra.

Take a Lemon, Make Lemonade