About the Great Balkini

Padded Lycra shorts stretch in all the right ways while offering much needed thigh support. Extra padding is always welcome and this does double duty with layers of technical fabric that work amazingly well in keeping the rider’s nether region cool and dry.

Cycling specific jerseys are brightly colored by design. Being seen is paramount. The rear pockets are so placed as to not disturb pedaling action and they hold stuff that riders don’t want to leave home without. Today’s jerseys have amazing wicking properties that keep riders comfortable under a wide range of conditions.

Indeed, from head to toe the technically garbed cyclist can maintain comfortable body temperature except under the most extreme winter conditions. Few venture out in that climate except extreme personalities and DWI’s neither of which need my help.

Cycling shoes and pedals are the same as ski boots and bindings and just as essential in the 21^st century. The disclaimer honors the versatility of the bike that can be ridden everywhere wearing anything. Those choices aren’t available in most other recreational venues. Scuba divers don’t have a choice; at Nubble Light you wear a wet suit or stay out of the ocean.

If not exactly as life threatening as freezing to death in the frigid Atlantic, shoes and cleats are just as critical to performance. It’s a two piston power plant from the hips down and how securely each piston is connected to the pedal is crucial. Proper foot positioning makes pedaling automatic and the light weight of the boot conserves energy while ventilation keeps feet comfortable.

There is no need to worry about emergency exiting as pedal release is automatic in an incident and second nature otherwise. Only an idiot doesn’t find empty pavement and practice the entry and release until it is truly second nature. Golfers hit thousands of practice balls to get better and this is no different. If it takes 100 or 1000 times what’s the difference? That’s a minor investment for a lifetime of real riding. In a perfect world where falling on one’s head is outlawed, cycling shoes and shorts are the two true essentials a rider must wear.

The formative years of my cycling life were spent not wearing a helmet except some flimsy hair net thing required in competition. That was then… and now I won’t leave home without one. Rarely I’ll forget but realize a minute or two into a ride and always turn back. Common perception equates them with seat belts, but that is false security as the rest of the body is unprotected.

Here is the not-so-good news. As well as bike clothing works on the bike, is about as badly as it performs off. The shoes can’t be walked in for any distance, waddling is more like it. The gaudy jerseys with unrecognizable Euro commerce logos are a fashion disaster. They’re also cut as if fabric was spun gold and all riders were as streamlined as Lance Armstrong. Even marginally overweight riders look as if they are carrying live pigs in a silk-screened gunnysack.

The shorts are even worse. The fact that males actually wear these duds in public is proof positive they work brilliantly. Men in black spandex look really weird away from the bike. Even worse, if possible, men don’t seem to have a clue when their skintight suits are worn out.

Women and form-fitting stretch fabrics are made for each other, in my view. It’s entrenched in their wardrobe, they’re comfortable in it and it shows. They can be seen anywhere and look normal. Meanwhile, a guy at the supermarket in skin tight Lycra doesn’t merely raise eyebrows, he turns heads -- Exorcist style. My advice to men – avoid being seen off the bike in public for one nanosecond longer than necessary.

Copyright (c) 2005 by David Balkin. All rights reserved.