If we ever needed Alfred Hitchcock, we need him now. His cautionary film "Psycho Pet" is overdue. In it, the American economy is brought to the edge of financial ruin as hapless consumers struggle to provide their highly-bred cats and dogs with the latest pet gizmos.

Case in point, the latest PetEdge catalog arrived today. The cover shows a regal little canine resplendent in a tiara and double strand peal necklace with rhinestones by Aria. "There’s no such thing as a bad fur day" with Aria dog jewelry, the promotional web site says. It’s all done in good fun, I think.

The catalog adds 800 new items to an inventory of zillions of animal products. It’s a multibillion dollar industry in an era when people have more money and fewer children than is probably wise. Here are a few samples:

•    - pink pocketbook shaped mini-dog carriers
     - over-the shoulder pet "snuggle" pack with matching hat
     -vibrating bone-shaped electronic pet massager
     - diva dog floral collars
     - plug-in devices to teach dogs to bark less
     - dog bathrobes, cargo pants, pjs and studded bling bling outerwear
     - pooch ramps and stairs for easy access to cars, couches and beds

Actually one item caught my eye. The portable spill-proof pet hydrator offers a flip-down spout for watering the dog while on the road. Silly me, I’ve been using an old paper cup. We also carry a plastic bowl and a bottle of water in the car. But now, thanks to technology, we can prevent unnecessary recycling and purchase a new item dedicated to a single targeted use.

I’m not opposed to any of this insanity. We’re going to have our dog "approved" to stay at the new local doggie daycare facility in Exeter, replete with doggie swimming pool and hotel-like registration desk. It’s better, I’m sure, than leaving him alone at home all day. Dogs get lonely too. I’m old enough to remember a time when a dog was something you kept tied to the barn with a stretch of old rope. Now a dog is a person too. And we are applying the same all-American obsessive attention to them that once applied to our medicated, over-trained, underloved, uptight children.

Remember the woman who donated $100 million to her cat a few years ago. She used to be weird. Now we can all play. And like I said, I have nothing against animal sitters and therapists and private trainers and the host of newly created American occupations. Lord knows we need the jobs, and capitalism only works when people are buying stuff, and we already have our iPods and megascreen TVs. And a nation at war needs to be distracted from the horrors that people in other countries are facing each day.

Being nice to animals, I’m sure, demonstrates the evolution of a kinder human population. We all know that serial killers start with animal abuse and work upwards. So being good to our pets is a good thing.

But there is a tipping point. I’m not sure exactly where. But someplace on the chart there comes a point where we are nicer to our pets than we are to our neighbors. We buy them stuff they don’t need instead of giving the money to people who need it desperately. I guess when you open the closet and cannot decide which doggie outfit Spot should wear – then you are dangerously close to the edge.

The litmus test has something to do with whether we love our pets or worship them. It’s hard to say where to draw the line. We may not have crossed it yet. But somewhere beneath the ruins of great fallen civilizations like Rome or Egypt – if you dig around carefully – I guarantee you will find a jewel encrusted dog collar. 

VISIT: PetEdge.com

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