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A PLAN FOR ALL SEASONS
The problem with being from New England is that there are no simple answers to
anything. It may have something to do with living under four distinct seasons
that require four distinct mindsets. It may come from being descended from hardworking,
but weird Mayflower pilgrims. Consider the following question about a leaky lawnmower.
THE SIMPLE QUESTION
Dear Yankee Brain:
My ancient lawnmower is giving me grief. My front lawn is just 10 x 30 feet,
about the size of a swimming pool. Due to a gas leak, I can just barely finish
that small spot in 10 minutes before the fuel trickles out and the engine stops.
It seems silly to buy a new mower for such a small patch of grass. Repairing old
mowers is costly too since the wheels are falling off. What should I do?
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THE YANKEE BRAIN ANSWERS
From Resourceful Yankee Brain:
Two words – duct tape. Find the general direction of the leak in the tank and
seal that sucker up. Get the good-quality stuff, not discount tape. Get the fat
wide role, not the skinny stuff. Retape annually. You should get another dozen
years.
From Puritan Yankee Brain:
You should be ashamed of yourself for wasting gas – and for having such a small
lawn in the first place. You should feel guilty for complaining about such a petty
chore and, as your penalty, go around and mow all the lawns in your neighborhood
for the rest of the summer. And use a hand mower from now on. It’s harder work
and will bring you closer to the Lord.
From Entrepreneurial Yankee Brain:
You need a new mower. Sell the old one in a garage sale. Sell other old junk
to New York City tourists who think they are buying antiques. Take proceeds to
Sears and get best model. Be sure to use Sears Card for added discount. Lease
new mower to high school kid who mows neighborhood lawns in exchange for half
his income. (He pays gas.) Make sure kid does your lawn for free.
From Far-sighted r Brain:
Put mower back in shed. Get out scythe. Sharpen scythe. Put scythe back in shed
until grass is chest high.
From Short-sighted Yankee Brain:
Got gum? Use it plug the hole, then get a goat.
From Industrious Yankee Brain
Time is a wasting. Get yourself down to the junkyard and pick up a couple of
replacement tanks and a bunch of backup wheels. Might as well haul all that old
brush down to the landfill while you have the truck out, and don’t forget to gas
up and have the tires rotated on the way home.
From Laid Back Yankee Brain:
Your problem is too much lawn. Convince your wife it would be better to dig up
the whole front lawn and replace the grass with cedar chips and flowering bushes.
Convince her that she has better design and gardening skills and get out of the
house until she finishes.
From Frugal Yankee Brain:
It’s working, right? I don’t see a problem here. Write back when the engine blows
up and the wheels fall off.
Copyright (c) 2005 by J. Dennis Robinson / SeacoastNH.com, All rights reserved. |
